I like to think I get my hands dirty in a lot of things. I try to build a business where I sell face to face and coach clients, practice pick-up, I try put myself in social situations where I don’t know anyone etc.
It’s emotionally draining at times. And for most of my life I’ve been in my head a lot. This is the single most draining habit anyone can have.
And the biggest realisation that’s brought joy and bliss to my life has been this:
Everyone else is in their head. Everyone is self conscious and worrying how they’re coming off.
It took a lot of anxiety filled situations in which I likely came off incredibly awkward to finally have this click. And once I did everything in my life improved. My pickup skills went through the roof, my sales results, and the connections I’ve made with people.
So what makes this realisation so powerful?
Simple. When you truly internalise that everyone is worried and in their head, it relieves pressure and you realise you’re not the only one. And the fact you realise this relaxes you and your real self shines.
Hurrah! Everyone else is an awkward loser too
If I had to try condense why this helps so much into a few lines it would be the following. We put too much pressure on ourselves to make a perfect impression. That means if we’re talking to someone we consider ‘cool’ we want to impress. We literally want to mess anything up. But reality is that you can’t come off perfect in every micro-impression.
Until you realise this you’ll do one thing in an interaction which you think wasn’t perfect. Now for the rest of the interaction you’re stuck in your head mulling it over, and at the same time continue going. It’s stupid, impossible to manage, and what actually screws up how you come off. Once you finally learn to relax (and it is a learning process) things change.
This relaxation is the root of all happiness, or at least I’ve found it to be the case for. In the past I used to unconsciously put a shit ton of pressure on myself. I wanted to be liked and come off ‘cool’. But paradoxically it doesn’t work that way.
I recommend everyone at least explore spirituality to some extent. It’s what helped me work this shitty area out of my life. Nothing has helped every part of my life than this. If you’re unsure where to begin just youtube talks by Osho, Alan Watts and Jiddu Krishnamurti.
If You Liked This
Guys if you loved this you’ll love my free newsletter. It’s where I discuss more shit like this, including stuff I don’t like to put up on this site – it’s 100% free and you can subscribe by filling out the form below:
And if you enjoyed this please share this article on something – Facebook, twitter or some other social media crap. I’m a pure hobbyist and don’t get paid a penny for this. But your support means the world to me.
And ffs please comment on this blog. Do you have any idea how great it feels to see someone actually reply to something you wrote? Fucking AMAZING! I read every single one of them.